The Journal of Justice/Volume 1, Issue 05
- 1 Freljord Ascends to City-State Status, Accepted into League
- 2 Going Where He Pleases
- 3 A Shimmering Future?
- 4 The Eye Inside
- 5 The Mailbag of Justice
Release Date: 14 September, 20 CLE
Volume 1, Issue 05
Freljord Ascends to City-State Status, Accepted into League
Ashe and Tryndamere crowned its Queen and King
Freljord has applied for membership in the past. Its previous appeal was denied on the grounds that its population was insufficient, lacking both a defined governmental structure and the means to police itself. Ashe’s recent ordainment as leader of Freljord’s two united tribes, bolstered by the might and numbers of Tryndamere’s barbarians, was enough to sway the opinion of the Council of Equity. Immediately following Kolminye’s address, the united tribes crowned Ashe the Queen of Freljord.
Ashe is the first princess to ascend to the throne since the Three Sisters War divided the people. According to Freljordian tradition, the Queen selects her King, and Ashe selected Tryndamere, solidifying her arrangement with the barbarians. On the topic of her choice, Ashe had this to say: "My actions are guided by the needs of our people, and not by romantic notions. Our union is a pledge to reinforce our commitment to this alliance."
Ashe had one more surprise in store for the people of Freljord: she appointed League Champion Nunu as Freljord’s League Emissary. At his appointment, she vowed: "The city-state of Freljord will never scornits Yeti brethren, nor any of its citizens, regardless of species, tribe, custom, or affiliation."
As a token of this promise, she offered Sejuani, the Winter’s Claw, a seat on Freljord’s new Royal Advisory Council. Sejuani emerged from reclusion to respond: "Princess Ashe is no more my queen than are the traitors who put her there. Anyone unable to see through this ruse is as much responsible for the perversion of our culture as [Ashe]."
Her opinion was not echoed by her people, as hundreds of Winter’s Claw tribesmen journeyed to Rakelstake to attend Ashe’s coronation. We spoke with one anonymous Winter’s Claw attendee, who said: "I never thought I’d see the day that we would be taken seriously on Valoran. I honestly don’t even know what the tribes are fighting for anymore."
Nunu accepted his appointment proudly, and the largest contingent of Yetis ever witnessed by humans was present for Ashe’s coronation. Nunu stated: "Queen Ashe is just what we’ve been looking for; she’s got the full support of me and the Yetis, and we’re good support to have!"
Hordes of barbarians also migrated to their new home, many arriving to view the second crowning of their king. Tryndamere welcomed his people with open arms and an inspiring declaration: “Finally, we have a voice in this land. Finally, we can be seen for what we truly are: proud and noble warriors. Finally, my brothers...finally.”
The plan for the unification of Freljord that Ashe set into motion now seems complete; however, she still faces many difficult trials ahead. In light of the protections that the League has now extended to Freljord (and consequently to the barbarians), Noxus issued a "stand down" order to troops dispatched to their Northern Barbarian Pacification Campaign. Katarina herself delivered the command, closing with a bold challenge: "Noxus abides by the rules of the League, for we are truly noble, but we haven’t forgotten the offenses perpetrated by those [barbarian] swine. If the new Freljord’s courage matches its insolence, I can be found on behalf of Noxus on the Fields of Justice...waiting."
Going Where He Pleases
Following the League’s unstoppable force, Dr. Mundo
On most days, you would find a hive of activity on the streets of Zaun. Today, however, the usual hustle and flow of the restless city is strangely silent. On most days, the dark and seedy alleys would be overflowing with a proud people willing to give their all for a profit. Today, Zaunite business is eerily slow, and most of the city’s shopkeepers are content with their relatively meager gains as the midday sun passes overhead.
Today is not like most days. The peddlers of Zaunite wares know where the people are: Vaskervon Coliseum. The League of Legends Visiopathic Service is showing a key battle arena fight between Zaun and Ionia, and no true Zaunite would even dream of missing it.
Miles away from Zaun, Dr. Mundo takes his place on Summoner’s Rift. Watching his ungraceful entrance into the arena, you wouldn’t have guessed that an entire city-state would rest its fate on his massive shoulders. The hulking behemoth appears unaware of the day’s high stakes as he hastily grabs his favorite shield from its usual spot. Amid protests from the shopkeeper, Dr. Mundo tosses some gold coins carelessly behind him as he ambles towards the front lines to face his Ionian counterparts. Standing at the head of his team, Dr. Mundo looks impatient as he waits for the first wave of minions to cross his path.
"Mundo thinks that it’s time to fight Baron."
Most city-states would send a champion back for a second Judgment if they heard such nonsense, but in Zaun a cacophonous cheer erupts from the fans instead – a cheer that the Zaun faithful hope can be heard by all of the "peaceniks" back in Ionia. There will certainly be no love lost between the two city-states after the game, as League rules for this particular match dictates that the loser will cede control of a resource rich portion of their shared maritime border to the winner. Such a loss would be an unacceptable blemish on the relatively long reign of Chairman Magnus Dunderson, Zaun’s Chief Executive. No Zaunite with a beating heart could tolerate such a failure from their leadership.
Something about Dr. Mundo has captured the collective hearts of a notoriously self-centered city-state. Even the children of Zaun pay homage to their idol, with foaming novelty tongues and unsharpened cleavers waving as high as their stubby arms can reach. Their parents brandish the real steel as they look forward to a newly adopted tradition in Zaun: a post-game celebratory feast.
It’s easy to forget that the celebrations were almost cut short before they began. Dr. Mundo’s acceptance into the League was met with much criticism, as he was found to be in possession of unchecked adrenaline shots during his first match against Piltover. Dissenters made a strong case that this went against the League’s original Elixir and Potions Policy, in which it states that all enhancing substances must be sealed pre-match and contained in a regulation size bottle to maintain the integrity and impartiality of the Shopkeeper’s Union. Nevertheless, the adrenaline shot’s effects were later reclassified as a type of biological aura, as it was determined that the composition of the shots made them ineffective for anyone but Dr. Mundo due to his unique physiology. When initially asked for a comment on the matter, Dr. Mundo responded only with grotesque slurping noises. He has stood by this statement ever since.
Despite his lack of communication skills, Dr. Mundo receives high praise from his usual Twisted Treeline teammates: Warwick and Singed. It’s no secret that Dr. Mundo takes the brunt of the beatings for his team, but he and his compatriots have so far been rewarded for his sacrifices on the field. Match after match, Dr. Mundo has charged in and softened the enemy opposition; sometimes he goes out in a blaze of glory, but just as often he enables Warwick tomake kills, cementing the Blood Hunter’s reputation as one of the deadliest Twisted Treeline combatants in the League. A few brave commentators have remarked that Warwick’s recorded kills are not entirely well deserved, as most of the credit belongs to Dr. Mundo. While those who sacrifice themselves are not an uncommon occurrence in Zaun, it is rare to find such a case that as beloved and revered as Dr. Mundo. No Zaunite with at least one good eye could doubt that now is the time for Dr. Mundo, and for Zaun, to attain a League championship. Mundo is going where he pleases, and the rest of Zaun is right behind him.
[NEXT TIME: an in-depth interview with Dr. Mundo!]
A Shimmering Future?
The many colors of Zaun’s rebellious youth
Occasionally, between the hysterical tirades and fits of frantic desk-pounding which invariably accompany my reactions to the everyday behaviors of my fellow Valoranians, I recline with a Rabble Rouser V.S.O.P. – I am a self-respecting cognoscenti – and reflect upon the days of my youth. In the few instances that I am not immediately deterred from this activity by unfortunate recollections owed to a tardy adolescence and an unmerciful complexion, I think, "Gosh, if only I’d had the opportunity to smear myself with corrosive (but shiny!) techmaturgical waste before departing to the slums to display my delightfully pre-atrophied skin!" I’m sure I’d have matured, like a Kaladoun sugar raisin, into a remarkably sweet – albeit shriveled and unidentifiable – version of the optimist you all know me to be. And imagine my utter dismay when considering that I arrived only a decade too late for the latest fad sweeping Zaun’s precocious youth.
Shimmer – as the kids are calling it – is manufactured from the toxic runoff generated by the factories which support Zaun’s continuing explorations into sludge refinement. Apparently when slathered on the skin like – or more probably instead of – body soap, Shimmer either simulates or stimulates intense emotions in its subject.
Boring, you say? Well what if I told you that it also sparkles, glows, and "shimmers" in a scintillating array of colors? Still not impressed? Well here’s the real pitch: the emotions this phosphorescent exfoliant creates correspond with the assortment of colors in which you can acquire it. So you can literally wear your dejected or whimsical heart in expressive patterned designs not only on your sleeve, but on your back, legs, forehead, or anywhere else you haven’t yet withered away. Oh right, I almost forgot to mention, frequent application of this caustic glop results in progressive degeneration of the skin and muscle tissue.
Of course, Zaun officials are quick to shirk responsibility, "All industrial byproducts within Zaun are scrutinized for public health and environmental hazards, and any which are determined to have unacceptably harmful effects follow strict safe disposal procedures. Those who synthesize the compound referred to as 'Shimmer' must obtain their ingredients through unlawful means." They have declined any comment regarding rumors that Shimmer was the failed result of state-sponsored attempts to create a bio-enhancing agent which would grant its wearer unnatural abilities, a rumor which has only increased its popularity.
All criticism aside, this is one reporter wholly in favor of freedom of expression. I say go out there and be the prettiest little raisin you can be. After all, what concern is a late life restrained to your motorized hextech recliner, wheeling about with your good thumb when you can spend your ample "downtime" looking back on a childhood during which you shone like a firefly in the sickly Zaun moonlight and your complexion, unlike mine, offered you a proud, glittering cocktail of emotions you enjoy revisiting, day after day, from the standardized comforts of your nursing ward?
The Eye Inside
Felines, Fetishes, Find it all Here!
Welcome again to THE place for League of Legends gossip! Before I dish the dirt, I want to take a moment to let you, my faithful readers, know that I want to hear from you! Contact me directly at the Journal of Justice; ask me questions, send me tips, and (especially for my foolish detractors) bring the smack talk! I’m taking on all comers! Questions and answers will be published in future articles.
Anyhoo... the last four weeks have gone by in a rush and there’s more excitement surrounding our favorite champions – the kind others won't report. As usual, yours truly has faithfully kept his ear to the ground to bring you the latest and greatest from inside the League of Legends!
When last we left the Eye Inside, this reporter delivered an exclusive exposé on the budding relationship between League sweetheart Nidalee and hack Journal of Justice reporter Bob Nashahago. Well, that little article sure has stirred up trouble for old Bob!
Sources close to Bob have said that the number of threatening letters he’s received have dramatically increased. The subject? Fan jealousy over his romantic activities.
One anonymous source from within the Journal of Justice headquarters had this to say: “Nidalee is definitely a fan favorite, but I guess no one realized quite to what extent. Since Steed's article, there have been many letters from fans insulting or belittling him. Some of them have gone so far as to vow they would fight him if they ever saw him in person.”
This journalist has uncovered one of these closely guarded letters to bring to you exclusively! Let no one say that Ram Steed isn't on the case!
"You better sleep with one eye open. You're dead! You hear me! DEAD! Get away from Nidalee! She is MINE! Summoner Nacht. That's right, that's my name. Any time, anywhere. No summoning, I'll take you on with my own hands!"-- Nacht
Only time will tell how this little pickle will turn out. Good luck, Bob! This is one time that I'm sure we're all glad that you're Bob Nashahago and we're not...well...except for your envious new penpals.
The Storm's Bedroom
Listen up celebrities – once you're in the public light, there is no such thing as privacy anymore!
This is a lesson that Janna is learning the hard way, when private images of her dressed in revealing lingerie spread like wildfire through the fan circles. While Janna herself has withdrawn from the public eye for the time being, no doubt mired in strategy sessions with her public relations people, a source close to the champion claims that these boudoir images were captured by a rumored former romantic interest. Whoops!
While the snooper in question will no doubt receive his just deserts (who picks a fight with a champion of the League?!), the damage has been done. League of Legends officials have voiced their displeasure. Roan Fallon, head of public relations for the League, had this to say: “Regardless of the source, Janna is a representative of the League of Legends. She should comport herself as such at all times. We are still deliberating our next course of action.”
Sounds like trouble for Janna, but fear not Janna-fans, she’s been in the eye of the storm before, and if anyone can find a dignified way out, it’s her.
Hang in there, Janna!
Until Next Time...
As always, yours truly, the hardest working reporter in the League, will labor tirelessly to bring you – the hardcore fan – more of what you really want to read. This is Ram Steed, reporting from the streets of Valoran.
The Mailbag of Justice
Reader mail from all across Valoran – answered!
Our mailbag continues to overflow, and we here at the Journal are happy to take a moment from our journalistic pursuits to read your missives. Thank you for your praise and enthusiasm, and please keep sharing your thoughts!
"I was excited when I heard about Kalamanda's potential for nexuses and even more when I found out Runeterra might be regenerating the world we lost in the rune wars. As quite the science-y person, I was wondering if any reporters had found any news about groups or persons who were researching the revival of things lost during the rune war or the regeneration of Runeterra's natural magic." --Poruku
An excellent question, Poruku. We have correspondents in Kalamanda who are keeping apprised of the events surrounding the nexus discoveries, and they check in regularly with the Arcanum Majoris’ archaeological teams. Outside Kalamanda, many of the magical colleges and academies commission regular archaeological expeditions all over Valoran. The Academy of Science and Progress in Piltover, founded by League champion Heimerdinger, contributes a hefty portion of its budget to the Runeterran Regeneration Project. Students involved with the project are challenged to find creative new ways to optimize the efficiency of magic.
"I was particularly delighted with your article on the return of Urgot. This is a breakthrough of the thus far mostly theoretic techmaturgical art of corpsecrafting. For those readers unacquainted with the term, this is the combination of hextech and necromancy. I would be much pleased if you would follow up with an article examining the techmaturgical details and causes of this." --Munchlord, Summoner of Zaun
We’re glad you enjoyed the article, Munchlord. Specifics surrounding the process are kept highly confidential, particularly to those who are in the business of reporting. If you are a citizen of Zaun, however, you may be able to contact Professor Pididly himself at the College of Techmaturgy; he seems to love discussing his craft with his fellow Zaunites.
"I fear the worst will come about should conflict arise in the Freljord between League Champion Ashe and Princess Sejuani. The presence of Tryndamere, another League Champion, is both a blessing and a curse in my eyes. The presence of him and his barbarians will certainly deter the Princess from trying to ignite any sort of conflict during his stay with her forces alone. However, should the Princess request the help of Noxus, the barbarians' enemies, the two League Champions will find themselves fighting on two fronts."--The Ninth Priest
Many people share your concerns, and this situation is not being taken lightly. Ashe and Tryndamere have experienced lifetimes of struggle and they understand these dangers better than you or I could imagine. While I am no politician, I think the potential of Sejuani seeking out an alliance with Noxus is a very real possibility. I would be surprised if Ashe and Tryndamere don’t have this threat in mind as they are making decisions that will determine the fate of all Freljordians. While there are many paths this could take, the people of Freljord have shown hope and courage which has been stifled for generations, and Ashe’s actions made it possible. We share your hope that they can find a peaceful resolution.